


Single Steps

by perpetualwhim



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-07
Updated: 2007-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 21:34:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4115691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetualwhim/pseuds/perpetualwhim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In bits and pieces, Cloud remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Single Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Response to a single-word prompt: "journey." I tried to be clever with it, and ended up with songfic, because that's what you get for trying to be clever. Lyrics are from "Only the Young," by (wait for it) Journey.

> _another night in any town_  
>  _you can hear the thunder of their cry_  
>  _ahead of their time_  
>  _they wonder why_

The bed is old and musty, worn springs giving it a spongy feel, and the thin wool blanket itches like crazy even as it fails to warm him. Barrett snores blissfully in the other bed. The gun arm makes soft whirring noises as he dreams, and even though Cloud knows he always puts the safety on, the sound is still disconcerting. Small wonder he can't sleep.

It's been so long since he's had a good night's sleep that he's not sure he remembers what it's like. AVALANCHE is always on the move, and so is he; always running, either to the next job, or away from the Shinra dogs who always manage to sniff them out. But that's not why he can't sleep.

Even though his memory blurs into white noise, he knows the last time was years ago, and it was in a bed even worse than this. But the details....

_fingers groping, desperate, hungry, old springs and creaking wood, but Zack just grins, wolf-like, asks with his tongue and feels with his teeth_

And he hadn't been alone, which, as much as he hates to admit to needing anyone, could well be the reason sleep is so rare and precious now. A word rests at the tip of his tongue, a name, perhaps, but it fades away with every breath and every thought. He pulls the blanket tighter around him and slowly, laboriously, sinks into fitful slumber.

> _in the shadows of a golden age_  
>  _a generation waits for dawn_  
>  _brave carry on_  
>  _bold and the strong_

"You scared?" The bedroll is practical Shinra military-issue, but the ground is frozen beneath it, and Zack's breath puffs out in white clouds when he speaks. Cloud doesn't answer, can't answer--his pride burns in him, acid-hot, and he remembers a promise made by an idiot kid who thought he could be anything if he only tried. "Or just cold?"

Cloud shivers, cocooned in layers of third-rate wool.

"Maybe a little of both, eh?" Zack folds his arms beneath his head, gazes at the canvas ceiling of the tent. Infuriating, that the cold doesn't seem to bother him. "I still remember my first field mission."

"So do I," Cloud interrupts through chattering teeth. "You've only told me the story about a thousand times."

Zack chuckles, and the sound is faintly warming. "Yeah, I guess I have." He shifts, unzips the sleeping bag a bit. "You sound frozen, kiddo. There's room for two here--come on, before I have to explain to your commander why you've gone ice cube on me."

"Don't call me 'kiddo,'" Cloud mutters sullenly, but he slips in beside him anyway and, still shivering, waits for tomorrow.

> _only the young can say_  
>  _they're free to fly away_  
>  _sharing the same desires_  
>  _burnin' like wildfire_

"Cloud--hey, listen to me."

_floating, spinning, screams burn away into nothing_

The world is a haze of pain, has been ever since he coughed up a good liter of water on the concrete floor and took his first breath in three years. In his lucid moments, he's just coherent enough to wish he was dead.

"I think they were checking you out, man. Did you see them? Must be the uniform--girls really go for that. Hey, did you see? Just over there, Cloud. Look...look where I'm pointing."

_too much, colors, light, sound, wash over and melt away, swirling down the drain, forgotten dreams_

He's aware enough to know he's a burden, and too far gone to do a thing about it. Strong hands pull him, shaking and retching, off the floor when all he wants to do is sink into it, let the earth open up and swallow him. He's tired, unbelievably so, but every time he settles down to rest, Zack gets him up and moving again. He doesn't know where they're going, or how they're getting there; all he can do is trust in the arm around his waist and try to put one foot in front of the other.

"Please, Cloud. Don't do this to me. I always take care of you, right? Don't I always have your back? Just show me you're still in there, man. Just say something, like, 'Zack, you're acting like a pussy, shut up.' Can you do that for me?"

_tears can't fall, seep inside, salt and fear rusting the core_

He feels the train rocking gently, his head against the glass, the speed of the ground flying by making him sick. Wonders if Zack is still there. But his head is made of ice, and he can't turn to see.

"Listen to me, all right? You and me, we're gonna get through this. Got that? You're a tough kid, you can beat this. I know it kinda feels like things aren't getting any better, but you've gotta believe me. We're gonna be okay, we've just got a long way to go."

_fingers on cheeks, burning acid burning fire, scorch away the pain until i'm whole_

He doesn't know how much farther, wouldn't ask even if he could. Just puts one foot in front of the other and tries to remember to breathe.

> _they're seein' through the promises_  
>  _and all the lies they dare to tell_  
>  _is it heaven or hell?_  
>  _they know very well_

And the dream slips away like water through his fingers, and the sun's in his eyes, and Tifa is shaking him roughly by the shoulder. "Come on, lazybones, get up! Busy day, early start, you know the drill. Up, up, up!"

"I'm awake, I'm awake," he grumbles, pulling the blanket down off his face.

"It's about time," Tifa huffs. "Sheesh, even Barrett's up by now, and you know how _he_ sleeps." Her expression softens, and she ruffles his hair affectionately. "You were mumbling in your sleep. Bad dream?"

Something like a memory bubbles up, but bursts before he can catch hold of it. He shakes his head to clear the fuzziness away. "No, not really. Just weird--I don't really remember much of it."

Tifa gives him a ghost of a smile before turning to leave. "Well, you'd better hurry--we leave in fifteen minutes, and we're not stopping for breakfast. We've got a long way to go."

"Yeah." As the door clicks shut, he runs his hand through hair that feels like it ought to be longer. "I guess we do."


End file.
